Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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