Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
