When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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