When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
