we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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