I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
