There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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