hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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