He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
