Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
