totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
