those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize