This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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