ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
