I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
