Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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