I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
