I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize