i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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