hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
