I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
