i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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