we have pet lesbian snakes
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
