Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
