I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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