I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
