I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
