It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
