I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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