it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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