I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
