I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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