It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
