I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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