if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
