grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Barsexuality is the new black.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
