I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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