I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
