I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
