i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
