Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
