My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
ttyl tear gas
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
