He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
