I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize