I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
