Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
