Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
