why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
