You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
