that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
