i just had sex bonerless
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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