Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
