batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
