He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
