i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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