Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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