evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
