I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
