I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
