No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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