no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
