A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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