So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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