My nipple is on Facebook.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
