He is such a slut. More and more my type.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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