There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
