The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
