did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
