Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
