oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
